How could Yonatan so selflessly push his own interests aside and protect David in this way? The Medrash Yalkut Shimoni (Shir Hashirim 8) says that from the beginning of time brothers have hated each other. Cain hated Abel, Yishmael hated Yitzchak (Bereshit 21:9). “And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Mitzrian, whom she had born to Avraham, mocking”; here, “mocking” means planning to murder. Eisav hated Yaakov, the brothers of Yosef hated Yosef. On the other hand, Moshe and Aharon loved each other. The Medrash continues that from the time Moshe took the kingdom and Aharon took the priesthood there was no jealousy between them. This Medrash is fascinating. Jealousy is such a powerful trait that it can even sow hatred among brothers who naturally love each other. Even our greatest and holiest leaders, Moshe and Aharon, should not have been free from the grip of jealousy! Instead, they lived in total harmony, because there was no reason for them to be jealous of each other: Moshe had the kingdom and Aharon had the priesthood. However, as long as Cain and Yishmael and Eisav and the brothers of Yosef had good reason to be jealous, even their natural brotherly love did not prevent them from succumbing to hate.

How much more so does this apply to friends! Yonatan had every reason to be jealous of David. Even assuming that he understood that David was more fitting to be king than he, and assuming that he understood that the will of G-d and the good of the nation dictated that the kingdom be handed over to David, his jealousy still could have easily gotten the best of him.

How strong was Yonatan’s love for David? Shir Hashirim (8:6) says, “for love is strong as death.” The Metzudat David explains this to mean that the people of Israel have such a powerful love for G-d that even death does not stand in its way. We would rather die than turn aside our love for G-d. The Medrash Yalkut Shimoni says this verse is speaking of the love Yonatan had for David.

The Medrash teaches us that Yonatan would rather have died than harm David. What was his secret? How did Yonatan so successfully deal with the issue of jealousy?

In his Michtav M’Eliyahu (Vol. I, p. 136), Rav Dessler zt”l teaches us how to effectively conquer jealousy. Suppose you have perfect eyesight and your friend wears glasses. You certainly would not be jealous of him because he wears glasses and you don’t! It is understood that he wears glasses because he needs them in order to function. For you, eyeglasses are totally unnecessary. This is how we should view everything in this world. Each person has specific tasks to perform in this world. Each task is individually suited to that person, with no two individuals having the exact same job. G-d endows each one of us with strengths and weaknesses, and we are given tasks to fulfill based on those strengths and weaknesses. In order to fulfill those tasks successfully, we are given the tools we need. If my friend was given certain capabilities that I was not given, that’s because he needs them to fulfill his job in this world. I don’t need them to fulfill my job. Such an outlook on life leaves no room for jealousy. We each have things that the other doesn’t need, because we each have different missions to complete.
Perhaps this was Yonatan’s secret. As David’s friend, he forced himself to overcome any possible jealousy he might have felt toward David. If G-d chose David to be king, then David needed to be king to fulfill his mission in life. Yonatan, on the other hand, did not need to be king. He had different missions to fulfill. Equipped with such an outlook, jealousy faded away. It didn’t matter that David’s success came about at Yonatan’s expense. What mattered was that Yonatan was David’s friend. And a true friend cares.

Caring is the first step on the road to true friendship. But it doesn’t stop there. Allow me to illustrate with a story about Chaych’ke, as told by my father (R’ Chaim Shapiro z”l). Chaych’ke was the daughter of the renowned Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshivat Lomza, Rav Yechiel Mordechai Gordon zt”l. Rav Gordon lived a tragic life. He was married at the age of twenty-two, and his wife died within their first year of marriage. He re-married, and his second wife gave birth to five children before falling ill and passing away. His son, only twenty years old, was murdered in Palestine by an Arab mob while standing guard at his yeshiva. And finally, his other children perished at the hands of the Nazis. In spite of it all, Rav Gordon was full of life and vigor, radiating bitachon and emunah—faith and trust in G-d.